One Year Post-Surgery

It's coming on a full year since I had gastric sleeve surgery. It's been quite a momentous year for me.

My weight holds steady at minus 50 pounds. It fluctuates within 2 pounds in either direction, but no more than that. I weigh myself sporadically, about twice each month. When I get concerned that I'm eating too much, I weigh myself and feel reassured.

According to the charts, I've lost 70-80% of my excess weight. This is in line with what all the medical literature says about this surgery. This means, of course, that I still have excess weight. I'd look better if I was 10 or 20 pounds thinner, but I don't worry about that. This is where my weight loss plateaued and stopped, so this is my weight. Even if I could lose more weight -- which I highly doubt -- I'd never be able to maintain it. I'm not going down that road.

I frequently feel hungry, just as I always did. But now when I am hungry, I have a very small healthy snack, and I immediately feel sated. The most important thing is to not let myself get too hungry. If I wait too long to eat, I end up eating too fast, and have a lot of discomfort. 

All my health indicators have greatly improved. My blood sugar levels are normal, and I've been able to drop one blood pressure medication. 

I'm more physically active than I've been in 30 years. I walk 5K either 5 or 6 days each week, and usually once a week walk about 7-8K. It feels great. 

And, although I didn't have the surgery to improve my appearance, the change in my appearance does feel good. 

I've gotten the hang of eating in restaurants. It's a bit frustrating, because I'd like to eat more! I wish I could save all my food for the day and have it all in one meal. But that is simply not possible. So I orderly lightly, bring most of it home, and get at least another meal out of it, often two meals. Drinking wine with dinner means eating even less... but dinner is better with wine! So these are things I have to constantly navigate. 

One fun little side benefit: I feel free to eat "fattening" foods when I want to, because the portion size is automatically controlled. In the past, if I decided to eat fries or chips, I would eat a lot, with seemingly no "off" switch. Because of that, I was always struggling to completely avoid those foods. Now if I want a few fries, it's no big deal. 

In general, I feel great. I'm super happy I had the surgery, and also very happy I had it done in Mexico rather than waiting yet more years to have it done in my province.

I haven't shared this story with anyone I work with. No one asks, as it's now considered impolite to comment on anyone's change in size in any direction. Only two people have mentioned my weight loss. One person wanted to know if I'm OK, or if I'm losing weight because of a health issue. The other person is a much older woman, who I think is probably not aware of this current norm. I'm very glad I decided to be more private about this locally. I would not enjoy the attention -- or being the subject of gossip.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this journey. It has meant so much to me!

Result: One Week Post-Travel

I did it.

I did it!

I went on vacation, and was more relaxed about food choices. Upon returning home, I immediately returned to pre-vacation habits. 

Result: I did not re-gain any weight.

I am beyond thrilled about this -- for the present, and also for the future. I feel like I've passed a major mental hurdle. It was not difficult to go back to proper eating and exercise. I made it a priority, really focused on it. I don't know why this was so difficult in the past, but it's not anymore.

I said I was going to wait two weeks to weigh myself, but I made it one week before asking my partner for the scale. I also returned it to him: no way I am keeping it in my bathroom at this point.

First Travel Experience Post-Surgery

I've just returned from our first vacation post surgery and since covid started.

In the past, travel has been a major obstacle to healthy eating and exercise for me. On vacation, I would eat whatever I wanted, gain weight, then have a very hard time losing it when we returned. It could take me a full year to lose the weight I gained on one trip. In addition, when travel interrupted my exercise routine, it would take me a very long time to get back to  the regimen. This was the pattern throughout my life.

So planning and taking this trip brought a certain amount of concern. I wasn't extremely anxious or worried. But it was always a concern in the back of my mind.

Obviously I don't want to re-gain any weight! But I also don't want to feel that I must be strict and disciplined every single day of my life. Vacations give us a break from our paid work, but they should also temporarily relieve us from our emotional work. While we were away, I tried to find a balance between these two needs. It was challenging.

First of all, I decided not to track my eating while we were away.

I also decided to loosen the reins on my food choices. I ate more cheese and more meat than I normally do, ate chips (in controlled quantities), more bread. 

I did both of these intentionally, which feels better than just mindlessly losing the discipline.

I can't overeat in a single meal. That's just not possible. But I could -- if I weren't careful -- eat the wrong foods every few hours, and in the course of the day, overeat. I did this while we were away, although not every day. Maybe one-third of the time.

Now I'm home. Here's what I've already done and my plan for the immediate future.

• I immediately resumed tracking my eating, and returned to all the healthy food choices. 


• I asked my partner to hide the scale. I don't want to weigh myself until I've been home for at least two full weeks.


• I plan to exercise today (our second full day home) and to put myself right back to my exercise routine. This will be the most challenging part. 

I'll report back.

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Update: One Month on the Minus-50 Plateau

It's been a month. Lots of good stuff has been happening.

• I'm still tracking my eating, and I feel like I'll be doing that for a long time to come. It gives me more peace of mind, and is very easy to do, so it's a very worthwhile habit. 

• I bought a whole bunch of new clothes! It feels wonderful to put them on. 


• I'm walking 5 kms 5-6 days/week, and usually once each week I walk a 7-km loop around our little town. It takes me past the bay, where there are eagles and herons, and snow-capped mountains in the distance. 


• I've discontinued one of two blood-pressure medications. I still take several other meds, and my goal has never been to discontinue any of them. But it's still a nice little perk.


• All my other bloodwork is normal -- blood sugar, liver enzymes, etc.

I'm weighing myself too often, but I'm trying hard not to obsess.

The last time I was the weight I am right now, I thought I was a fat oaf. I dieted obsessively, weighed myself constantly, hated my appearance, and was desperate to lose 25 pounds or more. 

Yet this is the weight at which my weight-loss settled. My post-surgery weight-loss gradually slowed and then stopped. So I feel that this must be my new normal weight, the weight that I can comfortably maintain.

However, the medical establishment and the weight-loss industry do not agree with me. According to BMI calculators, I am still obese. 

Now, I am not skinny. You might say I am "chubby" or "somewhat overweight" or similar expressions. But I could not rightly be called obese. 

Those same calculators say that my ideal weight is a minimum of 30 pounds less than I am now, giving a range of 30-50 pounds less! At current weight minus 30, I would be quite thin. Even if I could reach that weight (which is highly unlikely), I would never be able to maintain it. Current weight minus 50 is ridiculous. That would be my weight when I was 17 years old. 

From another perspective, the caloric intake per day needed to maintain my current weight is -- supposedly -- almost double what I am eating now. According to the information above, based on my size and what I am eating, I should be losing a pound per week. But I'm not. I'm maintaining my supposedly obese weight.

Something is seriously amiss.

I understand that being very overweight is not healthy. I get that. But the guidelines of what is supposedly healthy is conveniently aligned with the diet industry and all the other consumerism that feeds off people's unhappiness and insecurities.

When I say, above, The last time I was the weight I am right now, I thought I was a fat oaf, I can also say: today, at this weight and size, I feel great.

New Mailing List for 85% Thinking

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June 1 Weigh-In: Reaching a Milestone, Working on Not Being Obsessed

Pounds lost since last weigh-in: 1

Total pounds lost so far: 50

I did it! I lost 50 pounds! I don't know why the difference between 49 pounds and 50 feels so good... but it does!

* * * *

As I inched towards the 50-pound mark, I started weighing myself more frequently and was beginning to obsess again. 

I went back and read this post: What Is My Ideal Weight? Why I Don't Have a Weight Goal. I need to read this frequently. I don't want this experience to turn into a diet trap, the "trying to lose that last 10 pounds" scenario that I struggled with for so many years. 

Here's what I need to do.
1. Buy a few more clothes that fit at the size I am right now.
2. Continue eating and exercising the way I have been.
3. Weigh myself monthly.
4. Stop writing this blog for a while, unless there is a significant change. 

My weight-loss may end at 50 pounds, or it may continue moving slowly but downward. Either way, I want to focus on the positive, and not on losing more weight.

Thank you for reading and for all your support. 

Before and After: The Return of a Favourite Shirt

I found a shirt in my closet, something that hasn't fit in years -- decades. In all the many closet purgings I've done, I always held on to this shirt. 

I bought it at an outdoor music festival, a great indulgence at the time, but I loved it and splurged. It's hand-dyed batik, and no matter how many times I wore it, it always looked new. Even though it hasn't fit since the late 90s, I never had the heart to get rid of it. 

Yesterday I had to travel a little for work -- a wonderful treat in this almost-maybe-post-pandemic time. I wanted to wear something special, but all my dressy clothes are way too big. So I tried on this shirt. And it fit. 

This led me to dig out my "before" pics. I took these in my hotel room the night before my surgery.

October 25, 2020

May 14, 2021

I didn't have this surgery to change my appearance. If being overweight was only about lookism, I would have stayed heavy forever. I did this for my health. But the side benefit of feeling better about how I look is really nice!

I've also been working on being less photo-phobic. This is not really a function of my weight or size. I'm just extremely camera-shy and can't stand to see photos of myself. Over the last few years, I've been working on being more relaxed about it. So posting these photos here is A Big Thing. 

More About Clothes, Plus an Amusing Phone Call

I've written before about my clothing dilemma: whether to buy now or wait until my weight-loss stops. 

I have already bought -- and am wearing -- pants in a new size. With a big reduction in my girth, my pants were suddenly too long! So I'm now wearing the pants size I wore for most of my life, last worn 12 years ago. Fun! 

But all my t-shirts and cotton sweaters -- the clothes I live in -- are billowing. Several people have suggested buying a few new tops, because it will feel great to fit nicely into a smaller size. I've been reluctant to do this, for various reasons -- but I recently took the plunge.

I actually don't know what size I am now! So I'm starting there: sizing. I ordered one t-shirt and one cotton sweater, each in two different sizes. After I know which fits, I'll proceed with a few more.

Plot twist: I got a call this week from the bariatric clinic in my province, asking if I am still interested in joining the program! This doesn't mean I was offered surgery. You can expect to be in the program for a minimum of one year before getting a date for surgery, and it can be two years or more -- while I'm already enjoying the new me. 

And now my good fortune at being able to have the surgery in Mexico has freed up a spot for someone else. Win-win! But really, I feel more like win win win win win win.

May 1 Weigh-In

Pounds lost since last weigh-in: 2

Total pounds lost so far: 49

I've lost another two pounds and I'm very pleased!

I'm especially pleased because (a) I was mentally preparing myself for a plateau, and (b) we were away for a few days this month, and I ate differently. I didn't overeat -- I can't -- but I did let myself loosen the reins a bit on food choices. I was prepared to declare this worth it, even if it slowed down my weight loss for one month. 85% thinking, right? But I despite this, I lost two more pounds. Yay!

I am now 11 pounds away from my "soft goal" weight.

That weight, by the way, is still 20 pounds more than my supposedly ideal weight. But that weight -- 70 pounds lost -- does not seem possible or sustainable. So I'm sticking with current weight minus 10 as my "soft goal". 

But if I don't lose another 11 pounds, I'm fine with that. I promise. I'm feeling so good, and losing (almost) 50 pounds permanently is reward enough.

April 1 Weigh-In

Pounds lost since last weigh-in: 2

Total pounds lost so far: 47

It seems my weight loss has now slowed to my "normal" rate, what I was capable of losing if I hadn't had surgery -- 0.5 pounds per week, or 2 pounds per month. The difference, however, is that in the past, those 2 pounds meant being hungry all the time -- literally all the time -- which would ultimately make the diet unsustainable.

I do feel disappointed that I didn't lose 5 pounds over the past month, as I had in previous months. But I have to move beyond that. I'm eating very healthfully, not overeating, getting more exercise than I ever have, and feeling really well. My fasting blood glucose level is back to normal. I must focus on the larger picture, and consciously not focus on the number on the scale.

Is this the beginning of the end, the signal that I will soon plateau at a new weight? Or will I continue losing 2 pounds per month? 

My secret goal weight, my "soft goal," is 13 pounds away. Most people who've had this surgery lose weight for 12-18 months, so it's possible. But I want to prepare myself mentally that it might not happen.