What Is My Ideal Weight? Why I Don't Have a Goal Weight

Motivational advice has become a cottage industry during the pandemic. Advice on how to set goals, how to reach goals, how to adjust your attitude, how to stay motivated, how not to sabotage yourself, how this and how that, have proliferated online like mushrooms after a rainstorm. 

Many people are experiencing "motivation fatigue". On social media, you see a lot of  "stop telling me how to meet my goals... I just want to get through the day".

85% goal-setting: it's not SMART

Most motivational advice involves goal-setting -- especially so-called SMART goals. If somehow you've managed to escape this over-used acronym, it stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. The company I work for is obsessed with SMART goals. We're always writing them, planning for them, evaluating them, re-assessing them. 

But while I'm forced to use SMART goals in my professional life, I consciously don't use them in my personal life. My problem with SMART goals are the S and the T. For me, specific goals with deadlines are exactly what I don't need. 

Since recognizing that my biggest obstacle was all-or-nothing thinking -- since understanding that 85% thinking would be a healthier way to live -- I have chosen not to create specific goals and never to give myself a deadline. (There are some exceptions to this... because even 85% thinking is subject to 85% thinking!)

Instead, my life goals are all about process. 

Here are two examples of process goals from my life. 

• Rather than say, I will read x number of books this year, I say, I want to devote more time to reading, and come up with strategies to help me do that.


• For the past year, I have been re-learning how to play piano. My goal is simply to continue to learn how to play. The process of learning is the goal.

For me, as soon as I attach a specific -- I will read 30 books this year, I will learn how to play Summertime -- the experience is ruined, or at least diminished. If I can play Summertime but I still make mistakes, have I failed? What about a more complicated version of the song -- does my simple version "count"? What if I start a book and don't finish it, does that count? What if I read only 28 books -- what happens? 

I do use habit-tracking. I track various healthy habits that I want to incorporate into my life, and I like to see as many x's in as many boxes as possible. But not every box is checked every day. Some days, all the boxes are empty! And some days they are extra full. I find the act of tracking habits to be motivating, so I use it. But my goal-setting is general, rather than specific, and has no timeline attached.

If you know that staying motivated is difficult for you, and your habits run more to procrastination, then goal-setting and SMART goals could give you structure and direction. But if, like me, you are too disciplined, and your habits run more towards obsession and perfectionism, then SMART goals can become straightjackets.

So where does this leave me in terms of weight loss?

No one can tell you how much weight you'll lose from bariatric surgery. Post-surgical weight loss is measured as percent of excess weight loss (%EW). Estimates run from 40%EW to 80%EW. That's wide range! Plus, your ideal weight is also expressed as a range, usually plus or minus 20 pounds. So I can't say with any certainty how many pounds of excess weight I have, and I can't predict how many of those pounds I'll lose!

And the lowest weight you reach after surgery is likely not your final destination; most people re-gain around 10% of the weight they lost.

So what's a realistic goal? Who knows!

I probably have 70-ish pounds of excess weight. But is losing 70 pounds a realistic goal? Who knows!

In the back of my mind, I did think it would be good to lose at least 50 pounds, and right now that seems likely to happen. But if ultimately I lost 45 pounds, and my health outcomes improved greatly, is that a failure, and should I obsess on losing five pounds more? No and no. 

TL;DR: I'm trying really hard to not obsess on the number on the scale, but to focus on health and how I feel. That's why I've chosen not to have a weight goal. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing and we'll see where it takes me.