Week 9: Arriving at a New Almost-Normal

I seem to be naturally segueing into a bariatric diet, meaning a new way of eating that I'll continue for the rest of my life. The frequency of stomach discomfort is way down, at most once or twice per week. I'm finding more things that I can eat. And I'm gradually figuring out how to prepare food for our home -- some for me alone, some for my partner alone, and some for both of us. 

New stuff I'm eating (or not eating)

- I had sushi and sashimi this week. Sushi is one of my favourite foods -- actually it might be my very favourite food at this point -- and it was wonderful to eat it again. Portion size will be a challenge, but on the other hand, I can eat it regularly.

- I also had soup from our local Chinese restaurant, a "house special" wonton soup that they make with bits of roast pork, shrimp, chicken and vegetables. I separate the broth, which keeps the vegetables crunchy and hugely reduces the salt content, as I eat a very minimal amount of broth. 

- After the liquid and pureed phases, I was really missing eating something with crunch. In the past I would get that from raw vegetables -- and yes, the occasional chips -- but both those categories are off-limits right now. This week I started eating the whole-grain (brown) rice cakes that we always have on hand, with a small amount of peanut butter spread on. Healthy crunch!

- I've given up my decades-long habit of having strong black tea in the afternoon. I'm trying to limit my caffeine intake, so I've switched to herbal tea. Previously I've only occasionally gone for herbal tea, but now it's daily. I'm not sure if I can keep this up long-term. I've never liked decaf black tea, but if I could find a good brand, I'd try that. 

- I'm going to try different later-stage foods a little at a time, randomly, as I feel like it. I think as long as I eat slowly, it will be OK.

Things I've learned

Calculating the grams of protein I eat every day has led to some interesting insights. I've always paid attention to nutrition, but as most dieters know, it's also easy to fool yourself.

- We've always eaten a lot of seafood, and I've known that it is very high in protein and sometimes rich in healthy and important fats. Looking at the actual numbers has really reinforced this. Seafood is pure protein, a big bang for your protein buck. We eat tuna and salmon, both fresh and canned, trout, halibut, Pacific cod, scallops, shrimp, and probably a few others. 

 (I often joke that my tuna consumption is turning me into a thermometer. That's the big but of seafood... and why I switched to Skipjack (or "light") tuna, from Albacore (or "white") tuna. Skipjack is also less dangerous to marine mammals that die in driftnets.)

-  I've always thought that hummus is a healthy food and imagined it was rich in protein. Nope! As a spread or dip, it is certainly healthier than mayonnaise or sour cream, but it's not high in protein. Hummus, at least the commercial variety, really doesn't qualify as a protein source at all. 

- Much to my surprise, tofu is not very high in protein either -- nothing like chicken, fish, or meat. You would have to eat a lot of tofu to meet daily protein requirements. I realize that different people have different protein needs, but this partly explains why, when I was a vegetarian, I was so unhealthy.

Cooking for two, or 1.5

My partner and I have never eaten the exact same food, but normally any dinner I would cook would be for both of us. Now this has become a challenge. 

So far, as you may have read, I've been doing advance cooking for him, which we save for the nights he is working. At first these meals were 100% for him. Now I'm including some meals that I can also eat, or eat in a modified way, such as giving myself more meat and less rice. 

I'm also still cooking ahead for myself, and putting portions in muffin tins. This has turned out to be so useful for me, both for portion size and variety, that I want to continue it. 

One positive piece of this is that I'm eating food that my partner doesn't like, foods I had stopped eating at home, because I didn't want to bother making them just for myself. A large sweet potato -- baked until it's completely soft, almost syrupy -- lasts me almost a week. That's just one example of several.

All this has led to a great deal of food prep, and it sometimes feels burdensome, especially when I'm working long hours. This week my partner did a lot of prep for me -- cleaning, chopping, mincing, and leaving everything in tiny pyrex bowls in the fridge. That made a huge difference, but I don't want to make a habit of it. (Well, I'd love to make a habit of it, but I won't.)

This is something I'm going to have to feel my way through and make changes as I go along. In the past, anything I couldn't completely plan out in advance was very challenging for me. I'd feel anxious about having too many unknowns. But these days I'm much better about living with unknowns, and adjusting as needed.

Every day I see evidence of how weight-loss surgery is really a tool for people who already understand nutrition, who have had experience dieting and monitoring their food intake, who are mentally stable enough to deal with a lot of change, and who have support. Without those factors, it would be much more difficult to succeed.

Week 7: Protein Requirements, the Tiny Stomach, Clothing

I've been introducing soft foods into my diet in a totally random and haphazard way. 

I'm still eating the pureed food I prepared. We bought more muffin tins, so I was able to make larger batches, fill the cups with half-cup portions, and freeze several tins. But I'm also eating canned fruit, oatmeal, soup that has not been pureed, well-cooked sweet potato, a scrambled egg, peanut butter, and so on. 

I'm gradually weaning myself off the pureed foods, but I will probably keep some of that in my diet for a long time.

Getting enough protein

I'm completely sick of smoothies, but without them, it's very difficult to meet the protein requirements while not overeating -- even while adding protein powder to foods like soup or oatmeal. Some days I give myself a break from the smoothies, but when I calculate the grams of protein on those days, it's always borderline. 

Experimenting with different flavours in the smoothies hasn't helped. I'm sick of drinking so much frothy liquid. But I must do it. 

Once I'm done with all the transition phases, and I'm on a regular post-bariatric eating plan, the protein requirements will be reduced. Still a lot, and still very important, but the difference between 70-120 grams/day (post-surgery) and 60-70 grams/day (regular bariatric diet) is significant. 

So, for now, smoothies it is.

The tiny stomach

Learning to eat more slowly continues to be a painful challenge. 

Last night, for example, I wanted the 16 ounces of milk that I normally use for a smoothie, mixed with this turmeric "golden mylk" blend. It was late and I wanted to finish it up and go to bed. Instead of sipping the milk, I glugged about half of it. 

The results were agonizing -- sharp pain, nausea, bloating -- and lasted more than two hours. 

Looking back through my food diary, I see this is happening less frequently, so I've made some progress. I guess I just have to keep trying.

Clothing

A few readers have asked me about buying new clothes. I'm not rushing to do that any time soon. Like many women, my history with chronic dieting and body image can make buying clothes a stressful and unpleasant experience. 

This has improved a great deal by shopping online, and by my hard work at self-acceptance. But even so, I don't want to buy clothes in a smaller size until I am sure I can maintain that size. Honestly, clothes shopping is not something I even want think about yet.

However... there are some clothes at home that I'm thinking about.

I have a large number of graphic tees -- the kind I wouldn't wear to work, but generally wear all weekend and while working from home -- that I really like, that haven't fit for several years. These are shirts with logos of a certain sports team, from social-justice activism, and so on. I never got rid of these. They were already larger than I liked, and were in good shape... so I just hung on to them, and tried not to think about them.

Now I am gradually starting to wear them again. That's pretty cool. 

The other exception is a collection of professional wear, especially beautiful jackets (the kind some people call blazers or suit jackets). 

Beginning a new career in 2013, I needed new clothes, first for interviewing, then for working. Making peace with my body -- at that time largest I had ever been -- I found a great store that sold plus-size petites. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but when you are short and heavy, this is an incredible lifesaver. They also made shopping easier, with salespeople you can book in advance, so you can shop by yourself, but still have someone going back and forth to get different sizes and ideas for outfits.

This store's clothes were exactly the right mix of dressy and casual, and I started building a new professional wardrobe. The jackets were especially brilliant -- really stylish, but still classic, and they fit beautifully. 

I wore these jackets for several years. I must admit, dressing well and having clothes that fit nicely increased my confidence. 

Then one day I noticed with horror that the jackets no longer fit as well as they should; they were too snug. Then no longer fit, full stop. I kept them, but stopped wearing them.

A couple of years ago, my partner and I relocated, and these jackets are now too dressy for my present situation. I bought some sweaters -- long, open-front cardigans -- to wear over dressy t-shirts. This let me change my look and buy larger-size clothing without feeling awful about no longer fitting into those jackets.

Now I am looking forward to putting on these jackets, and buttoning them, and feeling that I have reached a goal -- not the final destination, but a landmark along the way. However, I don't want to go near the jackets until I am certain that they will fit. So I'm waiting.

Week 5: Beginning Phase 4, the Return of Coffee, and General Check-In

Yesterday was five weeks since my surgery. 

I began the Phase 4 eating plan, which means gradually introducing soft foods to the pureed-food diet. Yesterday, for example, in addition to my pureed food, I had a few slices of canned pears, a banana, and a carrot that had been cooked in chicken broth. I tried to eat each one very slowly and chew it to death. 

This phase will require a lot of prep, since I still need to have pureed foods on hand, and also need to get some non-pureed foods every day. We bought some additional muffin tins, so I can make the pureed foods in larger batches and freeze several weeks' worth of small portions.

Meanwhile, my partner has come to the end of the food I cooked and froze for him, way back here, before my pre-surgery fast began. So I have a lot of meal-planning and cooking to do.

I've also started drinking coffee again, several months before I'm supposed to. I just missed it so much! (85% thinking!) I've made a half-decaf blend and I'm going to try to hold my caffeine intake to three small (8 ounce) cups of half-caff. This will definitely be a challenge!

I am itching to weigh myself but waiting for the December 1, which will be the first of my monthly weigh-ins. I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday, and the stylist immediately exclaimed how much thinner I looked. She is a beauty and a gym rat -- who used to weigh 250 pounds, and lost it all through diet and exercise. She thinks that's how I'm doing it, too -- a topic for another post (one that I have been trying to write for a while). 

The only thing I notice is that my face looks much thinner, which I really appreciate. I spend a lot of my day in Zoom meetings, and I hated looking at my fat face! My slimmer face makes me less self-conscious and less camera-shy -- a nice benefit.

In general I'm feeling very good. I'm walking almost every day, often on the treadmill, because it's winter, but often because it just feels easier, like less preparation is needed. My new habit has been treadmilling at lunch, which has a huge added benefit of forcing me to take a lunch break. I'm working at home and tend to work long hours without a break. Having a walk in the middle of the day really helps me recharge.

I was having some discomfort -- sometimes real pain -- after eating certain foods, but I couldn't tell if it was caused by the food itself or by eating too fast. I took a chance and ate the same foods later in the week, consciously eating much more slowly, and had no discomfort. There's my answer. It's not easy for me to eat a tiny portion of pureed fruit slowly, or to eat soup so slowly that it doesn't stay warm. But it's obviously essential, and the pain is a reminder.

In order to eat properly and avoid pain, it's also important to properly space out food and liquid intake. I've adopted a little trick of having a timer on my phone set for 15 minutes. When I finish eating or drinking anything, I turn it on, and can't take in anything else until it goes off.

I sometimes have a weird feeling that I'm eating too much. I'm trying for the recommended six tiny meals each day, or three meals and three snacks. Sometimes I can't finish even the tiny half-cup servings that I'm currently up to, so I eat more than six times in a day -- which makes me feel unsure. 

When that happens, I do a quick-and-dirty calorie check, and I'm always right on track. I'm amazed at how few calories I'm taking in. The target for this phase is 700-1000 calories per day, including 70-120 grams of protein. Yesterday I felt like I was eating all day, and came in under 800 calories. A very bizarre feeling!