Week 7: Protein Requirements, the Tiny Stomach, Clothing

I've been introducing soft foods into my diet in a totally random and haphazard way. 

I'm still eating the pureed food I prepared. We bought more muffin tins, so I was able to make larger batches, fill the cups with half-cup portions, and freeze several tins. But I'm also eating canned fruit, oatmeal, soup that has not been pureed, well-cooked sweet potato, a scrambled egg, peanut butter, and so on. 

I'm gradually weaning myself off the pureed foods, but I will probably keep some of that in my diet for a long time.

Getting enough protein

I'm completely sick of smoothies, but without them, it's very difficult to meet the protein requirements while not overeating -- even while adding protein powder to foods like soup or oatmeal. Some days I give myself a break from the smoothies, but when I calculate the grams of protein on those days, it's always borderline. 

Experimenting with different flavours in the smoothies hasn't helped. I'm sick of drinking so much frothy liquid. But I must do it. 

Once I'm done with all the transition phases, and I'm on a regular post-bariatric eating plan, the protein requirements will be reduced. Still a lot, and still very important, but the difference between 70-120 grams/day (post-surgery) and 60-70 grams/day (regular bariatric diet) is significant. 

So, for now, smoothies it is.

The tiny stomach

Learning to eat more slowly continues to be a painful challenge. 

Last night, for example, I wanted the 16 ounces of milk that I normally use for a smoothie, mixed with this turmeric "golden mylk" blend. It was late and I wanted to finish it up and go to bed. Instead of sipping the milk, I glugged about half of it. 

The results were agonizing -- sharp pain, nausea, bloating -- and lasted more than two hours. 

Looking back through my food diary, I see this is happening less frequently, so I've made some progress. I guess I just have to keep trying.

Clothing

A few readers have asked me about buying new clothes. I'm not rushing to do that any time soon. Like many women, my history with chronic dieting and body image can make buying clothes a stressful and unpleasant experience. 

This has improved a great deal by shopping online, and by my hard work at self-acceptance. But even so, I don't want to buy clothes in a smaller size until I am sure I can maintain that size. Honestly, clothes shopping is not something I even want think about yet.

However... there are some clothes at home that I'm thinking about.

I have a large number of graphic tees -- the kind I wouldn't wear to work, but generally wear all weekend and while working from home -- that I really like, that haven't fit for several years. These are shirts with logos of a certain sports team, from social-justice activism, and so on. I never got rid of these. They were already larger than I liked, and were in good shape... so I just hung on to them, and tried not to think about them.

Now I am gradually starting to wear them again. That's pretty cool. 

The other exception is a collection of professional wear, especially beautiful jackets (the kind some people call blazers or suit jackets). 

Beginning a new career in 2013, I needed new clothes, first for interviewing, then for working. Making peace with my body -- at that time largest I had ever been -- I found a great store that sold plus-size petites. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but when you are short and heavy, this is an incredible lifesaver. They also made shopping easier, with salespeople you can book in advance, so you can shop by yourself, but still have someone going back and forth to get different sizes and ideas for outfits.

This store's clothes were exactly the right mix of dressy and casual, and I started building a new professional wardrobe. The jackets were especially brilliant -- really stylish, but still classic, and they fit beautifully. 

I wore these jackets for several years. I must admit, dressing well and having clothes that fit nicely increased my confidence. 

Then one day I noticed with horror that the jackets no longer fit as well as they should; they were too snug. Then no longer fit, full stop. I kept them, but stopped wearing them.

A couple of years ago, my partner and I relocated, and these jackets are now too dressy for my present situation. I bought some sweaters -- long, open-front cardigans -- to wear over dressy t-shirts. This let me change my look and buy larger-size clothing without feeling awful about no longer fitting into those jackets.

Now I am looking forward to putting on these jackets, and buttoning them, and feeling that I have reached a goal -- not the final destination, but a landmark along the way. However, I don't want to go near the jackets until I am certain that they will fit. So I'm waiting.