Concerns About the Surgery

I want to write about some of my fears and concerns about the surgery, but I feel the need for a preface. 

I am comfortable with my decision to have bariatric surgery. But the way I see the world, nothing is perfect. The best experiences have downsides, and usually even the worst experiences eventually bring some silver linings. Everything is a trade-off. If the downside is occasionally annoying or troublesome, that doesn't mean the decision is wrong or a mistake. And it doesn't mean we have to pretend the downside isn't there. 

I have certain fears and concerns about what my life will be like post-surgery. I'm not freaking out, I'm not losing sleep, and I'm not having second thoughts about my decision. But the concerns are there. I need to write about them, in order to think about them and process them.

* * * *

I have three major concerns about the surgery:

- the pre-surgery fasting,

- my enjoyment of eating, post-surgery -- and forever, and 

- having to weigh myself, and this possibly triggering unhealthy patterns.

Fasting before the operation may seem like a silly thing to be concerned with. You drink Optifast or something similar for nutrition, and you don't eat. This shrinks the liver and makes the surgery safer. Most patients do this for two weeks. Some morbidly obese people are told to do it for a full month.

I'm not good at fasting. I have hypoglycemia, and when I am hungry and my blood sugar drops, it is very unpleasant. I get headaches, cannot concentrate, feel irritable and shaky. Perhaps drinking the Optifast prevents the blood sugar from dropping. 

I know it is temporary and short-term, but I am nervous about it.

The post-surgery terrain is long -- it's forever! -- and it's much scarier. I love good food and I love to eat. I think eating good food is one of life's most basic pleasures. Will I still have this pleasure in my life, post-surgery, or will it be a thing of the past?

Perhaps my love of good food will become part of my past, and I won't miss it. I can think of many things that I really loved and enjoyed while I did them, but when my life changed, I didn't miss them. My partner and I used to love to go to high-end restaurants when we lived in New York City. We spent a lot of money going out for dinner, and I never regretted a penny of it. When we left NYC, we stopped doing this, and I never missed it. I still enjoy going to a great restaurant as a treat, but that's not a regular part of my life anymore, and that's totally fine.

I can think of several other (non-food) examples of this. Will my love of food fall into this category? Will that leave eating boring and colourless? 

Of course there are huge upsides to this piece. Many people say after the surgery, they have to remember to eat. I am almost always hungry. No longer having that in my life would be incredible.

Lastly, and most importantly, is my dread of having to weigh myself and track my weight. Many of the behaviours that people are supposed to adopt before and especially after bariatric surgery are exactly the behaviours that signal eating disorders. 

There are no quick fixes for this. It's going to take a lot of willpower, and mental energy, and maybe some therapy, to track my progress without becoming a slave to the scale. I've written about this before, and I'm sure I'll revisit the topic many times. 

Of course looking at the downsides on their own leads to a very negative conclusion. Presumably, along with these concerns, there will be a significant reduction in my weight, and improvements in my health, and those together will lead to many positive benefits.